The egalitarian, ethical-moral feminist cares about men, even as she asserts her own self-boundaries. The narcissistic feminist does not. Similarily, the egalitarian, ethical-moral masculinist cares about women, even as he asserts his own self-boundaries. The narcissistic masculinist does not.
In short, to repeat, unbalanced narcissism is the anti-thesis to caring about other people.
The unbalanced narcissist talks about him or herself, cares only about him or herself, is quick to change the conversation to him or herself, is basically blind and deaf to anyone other than him or herself...wants this, that, and more...wants as much as you are willing to keep giving...and more...will take, take, and still take more, and in the end, will leave you in his or her dust...as they move on to someone or something else...to newer pastures to exploit and pillage...
The unbalanced narcissist takes everything from you, and leaves you with nothing...
Now obviously, as in anything and everything else, there are different degrees of extremes here and we can connect 'a healthy foundation of narcissism' with: 1. being in touch with what we want; and 2. being able to assert ourselves in the goal of getting what we want. No guilt or shame in this. The key factor here between healthy narcissism and pathological narcissism is a clear lack of empathy, social sensitivity, being able to put oneself in another person's shoes, or even caring to do so. The unbalanced, one-sided, righteous, and/or pathological narcissist tends to have one main trick, or many tricks, in his or her bag of tricks to get what he or she wants from intimidation to extortion to bribery to black mail to coercion to manipulation to power and authority to guilt to crying ('water power') to 'trading' -- you name it, the list is as long and creative as the narcissist's motivation and willpower.
In business, in law, in politics, in economics, we all have to learn to 'swim with the sharks' or likely get eaten alive...How many other ways are there to say what I want to say here other than 'nice guys finish last', 'nice guys get trampled on'.....The unbalanced narcissist needs to learn to respect, accept, and value other people's self-boundaries (fat chance in the worst cases), while the unbalanced approval-seeker needs to:
Wake up and protect his or her self-boundaries! One can see how easily it is for the narcissist to attract the approval-seeker and visa versa because they both can learn something valuable from the other but at the same time this type of relationship is inevitably going to 'go back to the path of least resistance' -- the narcissist dominates and the approval-seekers submits and loses his or her self-boundaries...And/or there are a hundred different possible 'spin-offs' of this basic relationship such as covert rebellion, distancing, periodic emotional explosions, impasses, 'absences', loss of attraction, silent judgments, movements away from the relationship...
Why can't we all just aim to find that ideal harmonious balance between self-assertion and social empathy, acceptance, and respect....
One of man's biggest conflicts is the conflict between the wish for a real or professed democratic-egalitarian relationship and the underlying wish for a 'winner take all' and/or a 'master-slave relationship'. Try to find a 'democratic-egalitarian' relationship in the family courts...'It's winner take all baby, and let me kick you to the street if my lawyer is better than your lawyer...'
Isn't life wonderful? Why can't we find that real democratic balance? Why can't we just get along?
Personal and/or collective greed perhaps -- on one or both sides of the fence?
-- dgb, May 13th, expanded May 14th, 2010.
-- David Gordon Bain
-- Dialectic Gap-Bridging Negotiations...
-- Are Still in Process...
