Just finished....Oct. 12th, 2010.
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'Transactional Analysis' developed out of 'Object Relations' which is a sub-school of Psychoanalysis, quite a bit different than, but still connected to, Freud's 'Classical Psychoanalysis'.
Object Relations is generally viewed as having been created by Melanie Klein although Freud himself created the term 'object' -- as in 'sex object' -- a term that has sometimes been used controversially to reflect the idea of a person being 'objectified' as a 'sexual object', rather than a 'sexual person' in his or her own right. Also, Melanie Klein was influenced (and analyzed) by Karl Abraham who created the term 'bad mother' as opposed to 'good mother', and also there was the important influence of Paul Federn who created the term 'ego states' which would become critical to the eventual creation of Transactional Analysis by Eric Berne in the 1950s and 60s.
Let's take a look at this progression and particular 'evolution' of Classical Psychoanalysis into 'Object Relations' Psychoanalysis.
One of Freud's first distinctions in his classic essay (or rather, set of three essays) 'Three Essays on Sexuality' (1905) was to distinguish between a 'sexual object' and a 'sexual aim'.
Now, when we get to Melanie Klein some rather radical new ideas started to be introduced into Psychoanalysis, and there was great instability and upheval within the Classical Establishment as to what to do with, and about, these radical new ideas.
For simplicity's sake, I will mention four interconnected ideas here that were about to revolutionize -- or split in half -- the world and theory of Psychoanalysis.
This was in the mid 1920s when Freud himself was in the process of revolutionizing Psychoanalysis for at least the second time -- introducing 'the death instinct' in 'Beyond The Pleasure Principle' (1920), and then the 'ego', 'id', and 'superego' in 'The Ego and The Id' (1923). Still in place, were many of Freud's earlier ideas that form the basis of 'Classical Psychoanalysis' such as: 'The Oedipal Complex', 'The Psycho-Sexual Stages of Development' (the oral phase, anal phase, phallic phase, and genital phase), 'Instinct Theory', 'Repression and The Defense Mechanisms', 'Repressed Memories and Impulses', 'Screen Memories' (that both hid and alluded to the more psychologically important 'repressed memories and/or instinctual impulses'), 'Narcissism', 'Primary and Secondary Thinking Processes' ('Symbolic-Mythological-Dream-Like Thinking' from the Unconscious vs. 'Rational Everyday Type Thinking' that is much more logically coherent than the more 'bizarre type of dream thinking we get when we are asleep and/or in the throes of 'psychotic illusions and delusions'....'forgetting', 'slips of the tongue' and other 'keys to the unconscious'...
Back to Melanie Klein. Klein started talking about 'internal' and 'external' objects as well as 'good' and 'bad' objects...and Psychoanalysis was set on its ear...Let me not give all the credit to Melanie Klein here because Klein was influenced (and analyzed) by the very important Psychoanalyst, Karl Abraham, who introduced the idea of 'The Bad Mother' as opposed to Freud's concept of 'The Oedipal (Good or Idealized) Mother'.
Here is a short history of Abraham's influence on Psychoanalysis and on Melanie Klein, borrowed from Wikipedia...
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Karl Abraham
From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
Karl Abraham
Born 3 May 1877
Died 25 December 1925
Nationality German
Fields psychiatry
Karl Abraham (3 May 1877 – 25 December 1925) was an early important and influential German psychoanalyst, and a collaborator of Sigmund Freud, who called him his 'best pupil'.[1]
Life
He was born in Bremen, Germany. His studies in medicine enabled him to take a position at the Burghölzli Swiss Mental Hospital, where Eugen Bleuler practiced. The setting of this hospital initially introduced him to the psychoanalysis of Carl Gustav Jung. In 1907, he had his first contact with Sigmund Freud, with whom he developed a lifetime relationship. Returning to Germany, he founded the Berliner Society of Psychoanalysis in 1910.[2] He was the president of the International Psychoanalytical Association from 1914 to 1918 and again in 1925.
Karl Abraham collaborated with Freud on the understanding of manic-depressive illness, leading to Freud's paper on 'Mourning and Melancholia' in 1917. He was the analyst of Melanie Klein during 1924-1925, and of a number of other British psychoanalysts, including Edward Glover, James Glover, and Alix Strachey. He was a mentor for an influential group of German analysts, including Karen Horney, Helene Deutsch, and Franz Alexander.
Karl Abraham studied the role of infant sexuality in character development and mental illness and, like Freud, suggested that if psychosexual development is fixated at some point, mental disorders will likely emerge. He described the personality traits and psychopathology that result from the oral and anal stages of development (1921;1924a). In the oral stage of development, the first relationships children have with objects (caretakers) determine their subsequent relationship to reality. Oral satisfaction can result in self-assurance and optimism, whereas oral fixation can lead to pessimism and depression. Moreover, a person with an oral fixation will present a disinclination to take care of him/herself and will require others to look after him/her This may be expressed through extreme passivity (corresponding to the oral benign suckling substage) or through a highly active oral-sadistic behaviour (corresponding to the later sadistic biting substage) (1924a). In the anal stage, when the training in cleanliness starts too early, conflicts may result between a conscious attitude of obedience and an unconscious desire for resistance. This can lead to traits such as frugality, orderliness and obstinacy, as well as to obsessional neurosis as a result of anal fixation (Abraham,1921) . In addition, Abraham based his understanding of manic-depressive illness on the study of the painter Segantini: an actual event of loss is not itself sufficient to bring the psychological disturbance involved in melancholic depression. This disturbance is linked with disappointing incidents of early childhood; in the case of men always with the mother (Abraham, 1911). This concept of the prooedipal “bad” mother was a new development in contrast to Freud’s oedipal mother and paved the way for the theories of Melanie Klein (May-Tolzmann,1997). Another important contribution is his work “A short study of the Development of the Libido” (1924b), where he elaborated on Freud’s “Mourning and Melancholia” (1917) and demonstrated the vicissitudes of normal and pathological object relations and reactions to object loss. Moreover, Abraham investigated child sexual trauma and, like Freud, proposed that sexual abuse was common among psychotic and neurotic patients. Furthermore, he argued (1907) that dementia praecox is associated with child sexual trauma, based on the relationship between hysteria and child sexual trauma demonstrated by Freud.
Abraham (1920) also showed interest in cultural issues. He analyzed various myths suggesting their relation to dreams (1909) and wrote an interpretation of the spiritual activities of the monotheistic Pharaoh Amenhotep IV (1912).
Death
Abraham died prematurely on Christmas Day, 1925, from complications of a lung infection and may have suffered from lung cancer.[3]
Abraham, K. (1920). The Cultural Significance of Psycho-analysis. In Hilda, C., Abraham, M.D.(Ed) (1955). Clinical Papers and Essays on Psycho-Analysis. London : The Hogarth Press and the Institute of Psychoanalysis.
Abraham, K (1921). Contributions to the theory of the anal character. In Stein, D.J, Stone, M. H. (Ed) (1997). Essential papers on obsessive-compulsive disorders. New York: New York University Press.
Abraham, K (1924a). The influence of oral erotism on character-formation. In Perzow, S. M., Kets de Vries, M.F.R. (Ed) (1991). Handbook of character studies: Psychoanalytic explorations. Madison, CT: International Universities Press.
Abraham, K. (1924b). A short study of the development of the libido. In Frankiel, R.V. (Ed) (1994). Essential papers on object loss, New York: New York University Press.
Quotes
A considerable number of persons are able to protect themselves against the outbreak of serious neurotic phenomena only through intense work
What did we get ourselves into?
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And here follows a short summary of Paul Federn's influence on both Psychoanalysis and on Eric Berne, the latter a psychoanalyst himself, who left Psychoanalysis to create 'Transactional Analysis'.
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From Wikipedia...
Paul Federn (October 13, 1871 - May 4, 1950) was an Austrian-American psychologist who was a native of Vienna. Federn is largely remembered for his theories involving ego psychology and therapeutic treatment of psychosis.
After earning his doctorate in 1895, he was an assistant in general medicine under Hermann Nothnagel (1841-1905) in Vienna. It was Nothnagel who introduced Federn to the works of Sigmund Freud. Federn was deeply influenced by Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, and in 1904 became devoted to the field of psychoanalysis. Along with Alfred Adler and Wilhelm Stekel, Federn was an early, important follower of Freud. In 1924 he became an official representative of Freud, as well as vice president of the Vienna Society. In 1938 Federn emigrated to the United States and settled in New York City, however it wouldn't be until 1946 that he would be officially recognized as a training analyst at the New York Psychoanalytic Institute. In 1950, Paul Federn committed suicide following a recurrence of what he believed was incurable cancer.[1]
In the late 1920s, Federn published important books such as "Some Variations in Ego-Feeling" and "Narcissism in the Structure of the Ego". In his works he elucidated upon the concepts of "ego states", "ego limits", "ego cathexis" and the median nature of narcissism. Although an ardent supporter of Freud's teachings, Federn's concept of the ego as experience coinciding with "ego feeling" was inconsistent with Freud's structural approach. Out of loyalty to his mentor, Federn had a tendency to downplay his own theories, even though the conclusions he reached were far different from Freud's.
Federn advocated an unorthodox approach concerning analysis of psychosis. He believed that a patients' attempt at integration should involve strengthening his defenses, while at the same time avoiding repressed material. He also believed that transference involving psychosis should not be analyzed, and that negative transference should be avoided. In regards to schizophrenic patients, he believed that their egos possessed insufficient cathectic energy, and that it was a lack rather than an excess of narcissistic libido that caused a psychotic individuals' difficulties with the object.
Federn was also interested in social psychology. In a 1919 work titled "Zur Psychologie der Revolution: die Vaterlose Gesellschaft", he explains the challenge to authority by the post-World War I generation as unconscious parricide whose goal is to create a "fatherless society".
Although Federn's psychoanalytical theories had limited influence, he had several important followers in Europe and America.
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Probably Federn's most important American follower was Eric Berne who created 'Transactional Analysis' in the late 1950s and the 60s, as reflected significantly in his 1960 best-seller, 'Games People Play'.
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Paul Federn (October 13, 1871 - May 4, 1950) was an Austrian-American psychologist who was a native of Vienna. Federn is largely remembered for his theories involving ego psychology and therapeutic treatment of psychosis.
After earning his doctorate in 1895, he was an assistant in general medicine under Hermann Nothnagel (1841-1905) in Vienna. It was Nothnagel who introduced Federn to the works of Sigmund Freud. Federn was deeply influenced by Freud's Interpretation of Dreams, and in 1904 became devoted to the field of psychoanalysis. Along with Alfred Adler and Wilhelm Stekel, Federn was an early, important follower of Freud. In 1924 he became an official representative of Freud, as well as vice president of the Vienna Society. In 1938 Federn emigrated to the United States and settled in New York City, however it wouldn't be until 1946 that he would be officially recognized as a training analyst at the New York Psychoanalytic Institute. In 1950, Paul Federn committed suicide following a recurrence of what he believed was incurable cancer.[1]
In the late 1920s, Federn published important books such as "Some Variations in Ego-Feeling" and "Narcissism in the Structure of the Ego". In his works he elucidated upon the concepts of "ego states", "ego limits", "ego cathexis" and the median nature of narcissism. Although an ardent supporter of Freud's teachings, Federn's concept of the ego as experience coinciding with "ego feeling" was inconsistent with Freud's structural approach. Out of loyalty to his mentor, Federn had a tendency to downplay his own theories, even though the conclusions he reached were far different from Freud's.
Federn advocated an unorthodox approach concerning analysis of psychosis. He believed that a patients' attempt at integration should involve strengthening his defenses, while at the same time avoiding repressed material. He also believed that transference involving psychosis should not be analyzed, and that negative transference should be avoided. In regards to schizophrenic patients, he believed that their egos possessed insufficient cathectic energy, and that it was a lack rather than an excess of narcissistic libido that caused a psychotic individuals' difficulties with the object.
Federn was also interested in social psychology. In a 1919 work titled "Zur Psychologie der Revolution: die Vaterlose Gesellschaft", he explains the challenge to authority by the post-World War I generation as unconscious parricide whose goal is to create a "fatherless society".
Although Federn's psychoanalytical theories had limited influence, he had several important followers in Europe and America.
Most important of these, at least that I am aware of, was Eric Berne who would extrapolate on Federn's concept of 'ego-states' in creating his own model and theory of personality theory under the name of 'Transactional Analysis'. He followed shortly after with his best-selling book, 'Games People Play' (1964).
http://www.ericberne.com/
Transactional Analysis became a very effective way of simplifying many evolving 'Object Relations' ideas such as those of Karl Abraham, Paul Federn, Melanie Klein, and Ronald Fairbairn. You could probably add Eric Erikson in there too although he is usually labelled as a 'post' or 'neo' Freudian rather than as an 'Object Relationist'.
Two other Transactional Analysis books also did quite well on the book market. Thomas Harris' book, 'I'm Okay, You're Okay' (1969) was a best-seller. And so too was a book by Muriel James and Dorothy Jongeward called 'Born To Win' (1971) that integrated some Gestalt Therapy with Transactional Analysis.
Classical Psychoanalysis is like the 'hub of a bicycle wheel' and all of these different theorists and theories and models and schools of psychology are like the spokes on the Freudian bicycle wheel. When it came to his own theories of psychology and psychotherapy, Freud was 'nurturing' to a point and then very 'anal-rejecting' when it came to other theorists and therapists 'crossing' or 'transgressing' particular Freudian boundaries. That is a shame really because I still view them all -- Adler, Jung, Rank, Ferenczi, Steckel, Wilhelm and Theodore Reich, Abraham, Federn, Melanie Klein, Ronald Fairbairn, Horney, Fromm, Berne, Perls, Masson, and many, many others as all coming from the same 'bicycle hub' and all being capable of being integrated back to the Central Freudian Bicycle Hub.
It just would take, or will take, just one 'master integrator' -- permit me to blow my own horn here with a little 'narcissistic self-expression' -- to 're-build' the Freudian bicycle in such a manner that we can see how all the different spokes go back to the same hub and are all 'functionally inter-connected'. What Freud missed in the study of the human psyche, others who worked with him didn't and they all shared a 'portion' of the 'wholistic psychological truth'. Obviously, I am only one person, one theorist, and I cannot be expected to capture everything that makes up the human mind.
But this is where we come to Hegel's idea of 'The Absolute' as in 'The Absolute Multi-Dialectic, or Pluralistic, Wholistic Truth' which can only be 'better' and 'better' captured by multitudes of human minds over years and years, generations and generations, through the process of 'dialectic evolution' -- thesis, anti-thesis, and synthesis, then start all over again at a 'higher' level of evolution -- and every now and then you need a 'Master Integrator', someone like Kant or Hegel to bring hundreds or even thousands of years of human thinking back together again. 'Philosophical Reductionism' is, metaphorically speaking, Humpty Dumpty being 'ripped into a hundred or a thousand pieces' for the purpose of 'reductionistic analysis'...every philosophical and/or scientifical and/or political and/or economic thinker thinking that he or she has 'captured that Final Wholistic Truth'. But we are all mistaken, or at least partly mistaken, just ants in an anthill playing our own particular part in bringing 'some knowledge' back to the anthill, until every generation or two or three, some special philosopher comes around who is able to 'package a tremendous amount of human knowledge together into one theoretical package. Anaxamander, Lao Tse, The Han Philosophers, Heraclitus, Spinoza, Kant and Hegel were all very special in this regard -- particularly, in my opinion, Hegel who was the best of them all.
Hegel was one of those very special -- one in a thousand years -- philosophers who at least partly -- but in a very important and meaningful way -- put 'Humpty Dumpty back together again' in terms of human knowledge and human multi-dialectic evolution, from all the 'philosophical reductionists' who preceded him.
I am just trying to repeat Hegel's formula here but in a unique and modified humanistic-existential way, that in the sphere of human psychology and the structure and dynamics of the human mind, I am labelling as 'DGB Quantum Psychoanalysis'.
This is a massive integrative project where the 'hub of our psychological wheel' is based in Freudian Classical Psychoanalysis -- and everything else we have talked about so far, or will still talk about, all the other major different schools of psychology can be viewed as spokes that branch off in different directions from the Freudian Hub. They all are meaningful, useful, and/or necessary to help understand how the 'whole wheel of the human mind functions and turns with all the different spokes each playing their individual roles in helping to understand how the wheel turns wholistically as one'.
I call this 'multi-dialectic or pluralistic or quantum truth'.
Am I too idealistic? Maybe.
To use a different metaphor, sometimes I get lost in the forest of my own trees.
If I can't be clear with myself, then how can I expect to be clear with my readers?
I am walking through an awfully big forest -- mind-boggling at times.
At some point, I may divide 'Hegel's Hotel' into a smaller hotel called 'Freud's Hotel'.
My focus has largely been on Freud for the last year or so -- both his individual creative brilliance and his creative limitations, including, at times, more controversally, his ethical failures.
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The difference between Classical Psychoanalysis and Object Relations, and Transactional Analysis as an extension of Object Relations, is in the number of hypothesized or conceptualized or classified 'compartments in the personality'. This is perhaps the main 'distinguishing point' between all different schools of philosophy. How many different 'compartments' or 'pieces' will we break Humpty Dumpty down into? Or worded otherwise, how 'reductionistic' will we be. In the end it is all about 'functional conceptual convenience'. It is not about one school being 'right' and another school being 'wrong'....It is about how many different pieces do you want to cut the pie that is 'the human psyche' into in order to best understand how it works?
This is what can be aptly labelled as the philosophy and/or the psychology of 'as if'.
Let us view the human psyche 'as if' it can be broken down into '2 compartments'. Or '3 compartments'. Or '4 compartments'. Or '6 compartments'. Or '8 compartments'. Or '12 compartments'. Which one works the best? What are the advantages and/or limitations of each? Such is the nature of 'reductionistic psychological theorizing'. The important point is to be able to 'bring the model back together wholistically onces you have broken it down into X number of pieces or compartments.
Classical Freudian Psychoanalysis had '3 compartments' -- the Id, the Ego, and the Superego'. Object Relations in its simplest form started working with four main compartments -- 'good object', 'bad object', 'good self', 'bad self'. Transactional Analysis simplified the technical language and started working with a model that was an extension of the overgeneralized Object Relations model stated above and which added an extra compartment or two...: 'nurturing parent', 'critical parent', 'compliant child', 'rebellious child'...and 'adult (or central adult) ego'.
That is a 'five compartment TA model'.
Mine is more technical than this as I go back to integrate with the Freudian and Object Relations and Nietzschean past...as well as less clearly, Gestalt Therapy, Adlerian Psychology, and Jungian Psychology:
The DGB Quantum Psychoanalytic Model of The Personality
1. 'The Nurturing (Altruistic) Superego'; 2. 'The Narcissistic (Selfish, Egotistic, Power-Seeking) Superego'; 3. 'The Dionysian (Hedonistic, Pleasure-Seeking) Superego'; 4. 'The Apollonian (Righteous-Critical-Rejecting) Superego'; 5. 'The Central (Mediating, Problem-Solving, Conflict-Resolving) Ego'; 6. The Co-operative (Compliant, Approval-Seeking) Underego; 7. 'The Narcissistic (Selfish, Egotistic, Power-Seeking) Underego'; 8. 'The Dionsyian (Hedonistic, Pleasure-Seeking) Underego'; 9. 'The Apollonian (Righteous-Critical-Rejecting) Underego.
Some of these 'ego-states' declared above are 'introjected' from our parents as 'Internal Objects' (Object Relations). Others develop and evolve along the way, based partly on the past, partly on the present, and partly on the future.
The more 'introjected' a particular ego-state is, the more likely it is to be 'irrational, neurotic, pathological, unless we have had time to examine its contents 'rationally' and 'made adjustments' in the contents of this material which largely may otherwise depend on the rationality or irrationality of our 'parents childhood teachings' (both by word of mouth, and by observing their actions).
Underneath these '9 different ego states', we have, in The DGB Quantum Psychoanalytic Model, at a generally greater level of 'subconsciousness' or 'unconsciousness' the following 'subconscious ego states':
10. 'The Dynamic-Symbolic-Creative-Destructive Unconscious';
11. 'The Transference Memory-Lifestyle-Complex Template' (Adlerian Influenced);
12. 'The Genetic-Mythological-Archetype-Transference Template' (Jungian Influenced);
13. 'The Id' (Freudian Influenced);
14. 'The Genetic Potential Self, Spirit, and Soul' (Jungian Influenced).
There is your 'DGB Quantum Psychoanalytic Model of The Personality'...
Have a good day!
-- dgb, Oct. 12th, 2010.
-- David Gordon Bain,
-- Dialectic Gap-Bridging Negotiations...
-- Are Still in Process...
What is Games People Play?
The original 1964 copy of Games People Play, published by Grove Press Games People Play is the bestselling book by psychiatrist Dr. Eric Berne that uncovered the dynamics of human relationships. Since its publication in 1964 to the newly released and updated 40th anniversary edition, over 5 million copies have been sold worldwide in over ten languages. The book remains immensely popular and has recently experienced a huge increase in sales due to renewed interest.
The book Games People Play represents many things to many people. One modern critic said:
"Games People Play is now widely recognized as the most original and influential popular psychology book of our time. It’s as powerful and eye-opening as ever."
The famous author Kurt Vonnegut Jr. said of Games People Play:
"An important book . . . a brilliant, amusing, and clear catalogue of the psychological theatricals that human beings play over and over again. The good Doctor has provided story lines that hacks will not exhaust in the next 10,000 years"
Students of Dr. Berne used Games People Play as a springboard to publish their own works, such as Dr. Thomas A. Harris, author of I'm OK - You're OK and Claude Steiner, author of Scripts People Live. These individuals, as well as others inspired by Dr. Berne, used Transactional Analysis and the ideas within Games People Play to further uncover the dynamics of human relationships.
But to many others, the ideas presented within Games People Play provided a deeper understanding of their sown ocial interactions as well as their motives in these transactions. One reader wrote:
"Many times in my life, I was placed in social situations that left me feeling so depleted afterwards and I could not exactly grasp why this was happening. When I read Games People Play, I started to understand how many people play these games that end up making me feel used and hopeless. After a year or so, I also began realizing that I play some of these games myself... This is when I really decided to change my life. I began living with a new awareness of the behaviors of not only others but my own as well!"
Perhaps the greatest contribution of Games People Play is the story listed above. With over 5 million copies sold, millions of individuals and couples across the world have used Berne's techniques to identify and solve their problems.
The new 40th anniversary edition of Games People Play, with a new introduction by Dr. James Allen, President of the ITAA, and a reprint of Kurt Vonnegut Jr.'s famous Life Magazine Book Review.
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What are the games in Games People Play?
In Games People Play, Berne defined games as:
"A game is an ongoing series of complementary ulterior transactions progressing to a well-defined, predictable outcome. Descriptively, it is a recurring set of transactions... with a concealed motivation... or gimmick."
To re-state Berne's definition, one can think of a game as a series of interactions (words, body language, facial expressions, etc.) between two or more people that follow a predictable pattern. The interactions ultimately progress to an outcome in which one individual obtains a "payoff" or "goal." In most cases, the participants of the games are unaware that they are "playing."
The first game that Berne introduces in Games People Play is "If It Weren't For You" or IWFY. Berne uses this game as an example to explain all types of games. Berne writes:
Mrs. White complained that her husband severely restricted her social activities, so that she had never learned to dance. Due to changes in her attitude brought about psychiatric treatment, her husband became less sure of himself and more indulgent. Mrs. White was then free to enlarge the scope of her activities. She signed up for dancing classes, and then discovered to her despair that she had a morbid hear of dance floors and had to abandon this project.
This unfortunate adventure, along with similar ones, laid out some important aspects of her marriage. Out of her many suitors, she had picked a domineering man for a husband. She was then in a position to complain that she could do all sorts of things "it if weren't for you." Many of her woman friends had domineering husbands, and when they met for their morning coffee, they spent a good deal of time playing "If It Weren't For Him."
As it turned out, however, contrary to her complaints, her husband was performing a very real service for her by forbidding her to do something she was deeply afraid of, and by preventing her, in fact, from even becoming aware of her fears. This was one reason... [she] had chosen such a husband.
His prohibitions and her complaints frequently led to quarrels, so that their sex life was seriously impaired. She and her husband had little in common besides their household worries and the children, so that their quarrels stood out as important events.
Berne goes on to devote nearly ten more pages to IWFY in Games People Play. For the sake of brevity, only the most relevant points will be discussed here. Berne's complete analysis of IWFY and many other games can be found in Games People Play.
Both Mr. and Mrs. White are participating in a game; they are not consciously aware of their active participation. As with any game, at least one party must achieve a "payoff" for the game to proceed. In this game, Mrs. White, and to a lesser degree Mr. White achieve their respective payoffs. In Mr. White's case, by restricting Mrs. White's activities, he can retain the role of domineering husband, which provides him comfort when things do not necessarily go his way.
Mrs. White obtains her payoff at many levels. On the psychological level, the restrictions imposed by Mr. White prevent Mrs. White from experiencing neurotic fears or being placed in phobic situations. By having Mr. White prevent her from being placed in these situations, Mrs. White does not have to acknowledge (or even be aware of) her fears. On the social level, Mrs. White's payoff is that she can say "if it weren't for you." This helps to structure the time she must spend with her husband, as well as the time spent without him. In addition, it allows her to say "if it weren't for him" with friends.
As with any game, it comes to an abrupt end when one player decides (usually unconsciously) to stop playing. If instead, Mr. White said "Go ahead" instead of "Don't you dare", Mrs. White loses her payoff. She can no longer say "if it weren't for you" and then must go out and confront her fears. By continuing to play this game, each participant receives his or her payoff, but the price is a marriage with serious problems.
IWFY, like most other games, when perpetuated, can lead to adverse effects. Identification of the game is the first step. Once the player(s) recognize they are playing a game, efforts can be made to improve upon the problem. This is the basis of Transactional Analysis Therapy.
